For a divorced single, walking away from a promising match does not mean they have no faith in love. There are times when divorced singles choose peace over the potential for connection. Why? A recent survey says it’s their lived experience that leads to this strict measure.
The participants of the survey by Indian matchmaking app Rebounce revealed that they care more about “Will this connection fit my life?” instead of “Can I make it work?” The distinction is significant. The study was conducted among 9839 divorced singles from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities between the ages of 27 and 40. It said 7 out of 10 of these individuals shared that they now have some rigid deal-breakers and non-negotiables that they didn’t have during their first marriage. It has led many divorced singles to an “I’d rather be alone” mindset, for the better. Some might assume it’s an ‘anti-relationship’ approach; in reality, it is more about personal boundaries they set up for themselves to not repeat similar mistakes.
The app’s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, commented, “Second chances are becoming the reflection of clarity. People know exactly what was missing from their last marriage, and what it needed to work out, possibly. They have experienced missing compatibility, efforts turning one-sided, and losing themselves in the name of love. These singles are not afraid to be alone; they are scared of getting into another incompatible relationship, hence the mindset.”
Peace is non-negotiable
What is commitment? The relationship survey shows that nearly 46 per cent of divorced singles over 30 years of age, are recalibrating the meaning of commitment. They claim that while attraction can get things started, it’s emotional safety that truly determines commitment. When considering remarriage, 6 in 10 people look for a “safe space” instead of focusing entirely on chemistry. For these singles, the preference points to something completely different; they want predictability, peace, emotional consistency, and a relationship that allows them to be at ease. This completely changes how a match is evaluated. Someone very charming but not consistent, who creates occasional anxiety and confusion, might not get the benefit of the doubt anymore. It quickly turns a ‘potential match’ into ‘not worth my peace’, said over 3,000 divorced singles.
Not volunteering for emotional heavy lifting
There’s a new anti-filter in the matchmaking world of divorced singles: one-sided effort. About 39 per cent of divorced women and 32 per cent of divorced men from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities shared that they did not mind doing the emotional heavy lifting in their marriage until they realised it was causing an imbalance of power and importance. One-sided effort is one of the biggest deal-breakers for the second-chance seekers, and rightfully so. Being the first one to apologise after a fight, the one to always make plans, the one who urges their partner to have a talk instead of giving them the silent treatment, and practically being the one to take most of the measures in a relationship to make it work is a bigger burden than people realise.
Not scared of commitment; scared of losing myself in it
According to the relationship survey data, one of the most interesting reasons why divorced singles have walked away from a match that looked perfect on paper is to protect the identity they have rebuilt after their marriage ended. About 3,867 divorced women over 35 years of age explained that it was very difficult for them to see themselves as an individual and not as part of their marriage; they disclosed that it took them a while to stop thinking in terms of “we” and start rediscovering their individual identity. Madhurima, 36, said, “I met someone who was just perfect for me; similar preferences, family and financial background, he too has a kid, but something about the interactions with him made me realise that he expects me to reshape myself according to his lifestyle, in case we ever decided to commit to each other. It’s not very unusual or unreasonable to have that expectation, but I didn’t want to lose myself again to make a relationship work. I decided to let him go.”
New survey reveals three reasons why divorced Indians walk away from a match
