The first time, love is judged by the butterflies alone. But the second time, people have much greater clarity about what they want and need; previously married singles rarely rely on chemistry alone when choosing a partner. The question becomes a little more complex than a simple, “Do I love this person?” These divorced singles seek more insight: “Can I build a life with this person without losing myself?”
According to the latest survey by Indian matchmaking app Rebounce, this one shift changes the entire way divorced singles match. It shows that 9,859 divorced singles shared that they look beyond the surface-level passion and grand promises: they focus on the small, almost invisible qualities that reveal more about what life would look like with a certain someone.
The study was conducted among 9,800 active users aged 28 to 50 from all major metros and smaller cities in India. The app’s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, commented, “There’s no lack of hope among the second-chance seekers when you compare them to the first-timers. The difference is that they are more meticulous in their matching style; we have noted from this consumer study that there are a few very basic yet extremely revealing things that divorced daters care about when considering commitment and remarriage. It actually comes from a higher degree of emotional clarity in their case.”
Want me or a spouse?
It’s underrated but a true test of whether a relationship has potential. After a divorce, people usually return for a second chance with a stronger sense of identity. Over 4,000 previously married singles between 35 and 50 years of age shared that they really put weight on what their match is seeking; they try noting if they are desperate for a spouse to settle down with or if they truly want them. The survey says 39 per cent of these singles clarified that they have a career they care about, friends and family they are close to, and other individual preferences that they would continue to maintain; these people do not want to mould themselves into the idea of a spouse for another person anymore. Moreover, this time around, they truly want to be with someone who wants them for who they are and not just as a spouse.
Let’s disagree without turning into enemies?
Couples will fight and disagree on things; that’s inevitable. But how they handle the disagreement reveals a lot about the kind of future they are looking at. More than 47 per cent of divorced singles from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities shared that they not only note how their match handles a conflict but also what happens after. Among the few important factors they specifically focus on, 4,544 singles mentioned whether a conflict becomes a list of everything that ever went wrong, and 2,381 divorced users added whether the fight suddenly brings up the past and they act like two teams instead of handling it as “us versus the issue”. This factor seemed particularly important to divorced women who have experienced severe conflicts in their marriage, which eventually led to the relationship breakdown.
What if life refuses to go according to plan?
Everything goes smoothly when the plan works out; a person can be very charming on a well-planned date, they can say all the right things and impress in a single go. But amid the challenges for divorced singles, they are more interested in seeing what happens when the plan doesn’t work out, because life does not usually follow plans. For these singles, such mundane moments can reveal more than any romantic gesture. Over 51 per cent of second-chance seekers between 28 and 45 years of age revealed that they are seeking flexibility in their partner the second time around. Asha, 33, said, “I always see how a person reacts when their plan fails. Are they impatient, do they suddenly turn rude, do they sulk or focus on finding a solution, and importantly, do they make everyone around them miserable? I don’t think that if a person exhibits a few of these traits, they are a red flag. These are just personality quirks, but I, personally, do not want to deal with it once again.”
New survey reveals three things divorced singles look for before saying yes
