Attraction looks quite different today; grand gestures, perfectly placed compliments, and romantic behavior alone are no longer guaranteed to impress.
According to a new study by Indian dating app, QuackQuack, Indian singles who are dating are becoming increasingly wary of matches that come off as “performative” in their dating style. The survey was conducted among 10,384 active daters between the ages of 22 and 35 who had used dating apps for over a year. Participants were selected from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities and from different professional fields for a more comprehensive understanding of the new trend and awareness among the young users.
The app’s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, commented, “Our users, especially those using the platform for a longer period, seem a bit more aware of their match’s performative behavior. They have an instinct for spotting interactions that feel like a script rather than being genuine.”
Customer service romance
The survey said that 36 per cent of dating app users from Tier 1 and 2 cities said that they are most uncomfortable with matches that interact in the most professionally curated manner. Many respondents shared that when a conversation starts resembling hospitality instead of chemistry, they become hyperaware. Jhelum from New Delhi said, “Some people know just the ‘right’ thing to say; while it sounds really good, it is also a bit performative. I mean, every conversation moves in the same progression, the same flow, and you just know there is something off.” According to the survey, women especially find it emotionally distancing because the interaction does not feel spontaneous.
Boyfriend template
It also shows that 38 per cent of women over 25 years drew attention to social media’s influence on dating behavior. These women claimed that some matches appear to perform personalities inspired by relationship content on social media. They also explained that it is not always a bad thing for people to be inspired by positive content and try to become a better version of themselves, but the problem arises when they cannot keep up with the character and suddenly come back to their authentic selves. Krishvi (28), said, “It’s like I am falling for one person, with a certain type of personality and after a few months, when the real person starts peeking through the facade, I don’t know who this person is anymore. The match that I am putting genuine effort into will start falling apart because the other person was performing instead of showing their real selves. Irony is, I might have liked their real personality too had they not done this “back and forth” act.”
Love for the audience
One lesser-discussed concern among young daters, online and in real life, is their partner acting differently when other people are watching. The survey shows that 29 per cent of daters from Tier 1 and 2 cities explained the reason they are hyper aware of performative behavior is to avoid committing to someone who puts on a show for the audience and acts entirely different when no one is watching. These Indian dating singles shared fears like their partner being overly attentive in public, only to be indifferent in private. Majority of the participants claimed that genuine connections are built in quiet private moments.
Rehearsed vulnerability
An interesting trend around vulnerability shows 9 in 10 daters being wary of rehearsed vulnerability. They revealed becoming slightly skeptical when their match shares deeply personal information very early in the interaction, especially when it is perfectly articulated with amazing storytelling skills. While emotional openness is very attractive for most daters, especially women between 25 and 35 years, when a vulnerable and difficult life experience is expressed with excessive polish, as if it is almost practiced, they struggle to distinguish between genuine and performative for the sake of being relatable.
What is 'Performance Phobia'? 38 pct Indian women wary of a particular match
